Question: What’s the worst thing that can happen to an introvert?
Answer: They pass their exams and get a place at university!
There’s the constant danger of making friends, being asked out places, cafes, bars, restaurants, not to mention lectures.
So how on earth do we, as people who really would rather curl up with our reading list and shut the world out, survive?
The truth is introverts do not hate other people. We actually are sociable; we just get a little overwhelmed in some situations. It’s about knowing what those situations are and what to do about it.
If you are an introvert at university, rather than giving everyone else the cold shoulder or pretending to have stomach-ache or an essay to write, let’s think about how you might ENJOY being with some friends… Eh?
Well first, it will not come as a surprise that you actually do like people. Think about the ones that you like spending time with. You may have friends, family, neighbours, or just people you like to be around. Why not start there? Think about who you like and why. Don’t bother to write it down unless you want to, as the more you think about this, the more people you’ll notice.
Now consider what situations you like being in with them. Just listening to others talk, joining in, doing something. Chances are, they’re the usual things that others also like doing – that’s how you even met some of your pals, I guess.
So it’s not the people, it’s not the activity or the place….. it’s the duration. Some of us give so much energy that we get drained before our extrovert friends, even if we and they are doing exactly the same thing. That’s because it takes time and energy. Once we realise that, the solution becomes easier.
- Take socialising breaks. They can be small like going to the toilet or having five minutes outside getting fresh air. They can be longer like popping to the shop for milk or coffee.
- Take time out whenever you need it. Do not feel you have to leave when others do, you can be the first to go and there does not have to be a whopping great excuse there. It can be as simple as: I want to go now but I did want to see you.
- Some people find organised activities easier than milling about. There’s less small talk and more structure to the get together. At university there are clubs and societies for just about everything, so you’ll have a target to look for at Fresher’s weeks, or look on your union website. Alternatively search for your university name then clubs and societies. You could even ask someone.
- Small talk. Oh gosh. Get some spontaneous small talk ready. The usual stuff at the start of a course is (Bluntly) Who are you? Where are you from? What course are you doing? What are your interests? Obviously, soften these questions and put them in your own voice!! At the start of term it is more likely to be How are you doing? What do you/don’t you like about the course? What do you cook? How is your house share going (Be prepared for drama!) Try not to be too intrusive if you don’t know the person, so keep the money questions for people you are much more friendly with. I’ll do a separate blog about small talk for the worried, if you request it. On a daily basis it’s more about the weather, what to wear, who is taking the lecture, how behind you are. Ask questions about the other person, but be interested in their answers. Respond to their questions, unless you are uncomfortable – you do not have to give personal information in order to ‘fit in’.
- Finally, have a sense of humour about this. You are who you are, and that’s lovable. We are all wonderful. Introverts would form a club if only….
- Please try not to change yourself. Don’t even pretend. Introverts are valuable people who look inside for answers and often make huge contributions to the world. It’s tough being an introvert at times, but it’s also a relief when you get your degree because you were authentic and met your needs. You’ll be glad you did.
Perhaps you can think of more strategies, in which case let me know what they are and I will share them. It’s all about staying connected.