Attention is focused on physical wellbeing at this time, although I’d like to continue thinking about those emotional needs we have that cant be locked down or distanced.
That sense of loss of control, mentioned last week, can feel overwhelming. It can make us feel angry or sad, anxious or confused. Whatever you are feeling that is perfectly correct and okay. We are all having to sit with the discomfort and uncertainty when most people like to know what is happening. Our reactions are as varied as we are.
A sense of control can come through exaggerating old coping strategies – last week I wrote about eating and how we might comfort eat. I also wrote about alternatives to this, and the dominance of the internet. Our previous coping strategies may not be working as well as they were, or may not work if we rely on those alone; we may need to change the narrative and mix and match.
We tend to reinforce our stories and ignore information that contradicts it. This is how some people can genuinely discount advice that potentially saves lives. An example is where we ignore isolation advice, our story may be ‘fate will decide’, ‘it cant happen to me’ or out of fear we stick to our script. We follow our old habits, for example we listen to the news because we always do, even if it scares us now; so perhaps cut down a little. Challenge the stories, or life sentences that we put on ourselves and we will be freer. Let’s follow the example. If I’m worried and I watched the news to find out how many died today, I’m going to get more tense, more afraid. I’d start thinking about how the nursing homes aren’t counted and so on. I’d trigger my stress response. If I was willing to challenge my need to check, if I lowered its level of importance, it might help. A thousand people tragically died and we must honour them. People do recover, in fact most people do. If I calm down, I may be able to do something for myself or other people. I can change my life story, at least for now. This is not to deny reality, but reality includes the success stories of survival too.
Taking control might be unusual for some of us. We may find it difficult, especially in relation to being locked in! First, change your language and you’ll change the story you are telling yourself. You are not in the army or prison or a remand school (unless you are!). You are not in lockdown, you can instead consider yourself as taking sanctuary from the storm. Here in sanctuary you can find your energy and power.
You could start by thinking about your self. Do you have everything you want – if you have access to shampoo or long baths, great. If you have internet there are some great resources such as videos online, your local library has an online book collection (BorrowBox) and it’s free, the National Theatre are performing every Thursday and this is streamed so you can watch it (for free).
You can also control your space. Is your room how you want it? Can you rearrange it for now? It may be great to have the windows heavily curtained under normal circumstances, but do you want to make the most of the sunny weather right now?
What about other people? If you are unable to get out, can you do something for other people; have you put your NHS rainbow in your window? How are your friends and your family?
All efforts to bring your control back to you will help you to feel calmer and to ground yourself in the now. It’s called the locus of control – another search engine adventure awaits you!
Sending my warmest wishes from my sanctuary to yours. Cathy
I’ve included a link here to some advice from a student: